Free Your Child and the Rest Will Follow

Jimbo and I had our first parent panic epidsode yesterday.  Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it go.     So I drive a shitty mom-mobile. Pen, you’ve never seen my car but believe me, it’s shit-taay. One of the shittier things about it is that it cannot be locked. Well, the car can be locked, but once locked, it cannot be unlocked from the outside.  I think you know where I’m going with this. Yolanda got locked in the car while I was outside of the car. The keys were in the ignition and the car was running. But I was outside and she was inside and I couldn’t get to her. I was also locked out of the house because my keys were in the ignition. It was probably negative five degrees outside when all this was happening, but little Yo was warm inside the car with the heat on. Oh, did I also mention I was a little worried about fumes and carbon monoxide and the like? So I called Jimbo and said something like, “Yoyo is in the car and it’s locked and she’s fine but what about fumes and I’m scared.” Jimbo called a locksmith and came right home. Meanwhile, I ran to the garage and grabbed a brick in case I had to break a window or do something drastic. Within ten minutes the locksmith had arrived and opened the car and liberated Yolanda. I took her inside the house and it was over.     What’s funny is that the whole time, Yolanda was unphased. She just sat in her car seat and looked out the window at me, smiling. We played peek-a-boo to pass the time. I pretended not to be freaked out. I guess I’m kinda proud of myself for not really panicking. It was so strange though… to have this physical barrier between us, to find myself suddenly unable to touch her, to actually visualize horrible emergency scenarios and the dramatic rescues they would necessitate. The good news is that I’ll soon be turning in my shitty mom-mobile for a, uh, less shitty mom-mobile. Hopefully, this one will be a station wagon. Cuz wagons are so sexy. I actually really do find station wagons sexy.